I pretend to be a Christian………. mm

So I started spreading rumors,
Told everyone and anyone who had a minute to spare ,
That I was a good guy,
I backed my own “fallacy”
So that way, I felt nearer to Yecu.
“love your neighbor as you love yourself”
That selfless man also called “Christ” had said.
And so I loved my neighbors,
Even though some of them never boiled water in preference of drinking mine, I loved them.
Even though most only invited me for supper,
only when the menu was infamous,
I forgave…

You see, Jesus had also told Peter one day,
That we should forgive 77 times, at least that’s what Mathew seemed to have recorded in the 21st verse of his 18th chapter
So forgiving my neighbors came easy,
And I felt like an upright being,
That kind that would walk into paradise,
Headstrong, bold and fearless,
deserving of a seat beside,
He that created the universe….

Then yesterday I opened Zuckerberg’s app,
Checked notifications; 56 of them,
He had followed me on Stella Nyanzi’s fave app,
He used a fancy name, something stinky,
Filthy and even phonier,
Phonier than Badblack’s English accent,
but I had my suspicions so I clicked him.

After pushing aside more than 30 photos of art pieces used as his avatar, I saw his face,
Long, dark and carelessly filtered,
He had a disgusting smirk on his face,
That very expression I had got the misfortune of staring at l
late in the cold nights when,
That which he took from me,
Was no longer there to play me,
Joel Osteen sermons in the dark of the night.

I thought about my black penknife,
The one I had held most nights in the,
Literate grip of a scout, waiting for the bravery ,
To slide the blade down his jugular vein,
To watch his brachial artery squirt out,
That poisonous thieving blood that ran his body,
I wanted to draw blood from his body,
I wanted to enjoy watching it stain his ugly green bed sheets and trickle lazily down,
The cement furnished excuse of a floor we shared,
I wanted to take credit for saving the world from a conniving thief,
I wanted to erase the pain,
I sought to flee away from the “label”
I didn’t want to be called “careless”.

At that point in time, Matthew 6:14,
didn’t matter to me,
You see, I didn’t want my Heavenly Father to forgive me, for my sins just because,
I forgave him,
I would have deserved my plight,
I just wanted him off the earth.
Colossians 3:13 was a scripture,
That I had no intention following…

It was then that reality dawned on me,
Am not a good person, I never was,
I never forgave like the good book said,

I had been too lazy to extend leniency,
Time had balmed my wounds for me,
I had forgotten but never forgiven.

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